Leader of the Landslide
by uwsbitch
Summary: My take on what should had happened once Will was back from witness protection.


Will opened the door after the sun was already lighting up Chicago. He pulled the key in the hole and walked into the room with a deep breathe, humming a song he had heard in the previous night. He couldn't remember the words, but the melody had stuck in his head.

He took a few steps and made his way to his brother's kitchen, ever since Natalie threw him out he had been staying there, at Jay's couch. Sometimes it was all too much, the reality of the situation he put himself on was way too hard to face and he just needed to forget about it all for a few hours even if that meant that he was going to get drunk like he used to when he was younger.

Now the empty feeling in his chest was coming back, the tears were filling his eyes again, as he felt the cold metal of the gun on the back of his head, the sound of a gun being fired and blood being splattered on his face. Hugging Natalie one last time, crying in the backseat of the car as Jay looked out of the window trying to pretend that he wasn't seeing his brother having a mental breakdown.

He made himself some coffee when the clock showed it was 9:24 a.m., looking around the room he assumed that must have been long gone by now. Facing worse things than Will ever did and calling it a normal day, not being weak like Will was. When the coffee was ready he poured it into the mug and filled it up with a little booze he had with him, just in case someone walked in.

He made his way to the couch and drank it, facing the wall. Thinking about how Natalie was doing now, if she was missing him as much as he was missing her, if she regret dating him as much as he regretted getting involved in this mess.

His mind went back to his graduation when he made a youth to help everyone, to his little self that always wanted to save lives, not caring about who it was or what it would take. Fate was funny with him, his will to help only made the situation worse and he ended up digging a hole way to big for him to get out.

The coffee was already gone and his body craved for more. Craved for being release of this feeling that was eating him alive, how everyone's life moved on while he was trapped in a cell for his safety, how he didn't go out for days and now that he's back, he feels like a child that was left behind.

So he jumped out of the couch the best he could and searched Jay's apartment for something stronger than booze. He found tequila and drank it out of the bottle, finding out that last night's effects were still one, making him drunk way faster than he normally would. He thanked whoever was above him for it.

He drank until he couldn't take anymore and threw up on Jay's bathroom and then drank it again. No music was playing in the background, no one held him and told everything was fine, he accepted his solitude as he laid on the bathroom looking at the ceiling and feeling the tears roll down. A sob escaped his mouth, then another one, then the other and he just couldn't stop.

Nausea hit him again, but he couldn't control himself or think anymore so he did his best to turn to his side, failing at doing so.

Jay came home to find him like that, laying in the bathroom floor, pale, choking on his vomit while crying like a kid. So Jay threw himself into the floor turning Will aside and letting to vomit fall at the tile. He did his best not to freak out and help the best he could.

He soothed his brother by running his hand behind Will's back while keeping him aside, until he noticed that the vomiting had stopped. Two fingers were on his brother's whists, trying to check his pulse.

"Are you okay now?" Jay asked in the softest and less panic voice he could manage in the moment.

Will shook his head, saying that the obvious. Will wasn't fine ever since he returned from protective custody and Jay kicked himself a little for not looking out for his brother better. So he stood there for almost half an hour sitting with him as Will sobered up a little and eventually calmed down.

"Will you be fine if I go to the kitchen just to grab a water?" Jay asked his brother one more time, no anger, no judgment.

Will nodded and Jay got up making the task in record time. Less than a minute he was back by Will's side, that now was sitting up against the wall. The cop noticed that Will's lips almost looked normal now, he was a little warmer too and way more aware of the things in his surroundings.

"Let's give you a shower. Come on" Jay stood up and helped Will into the shower, sitting him on the floor and taking his clothes off once they were already wet. He cleaned him as much as he could, struggling a little with his brothers almost dead weight.

Once he was done, he put Will in comfort clothes and threw him in the bed as he was asleep or unconscious, Jay couldn't really tell. Still he made his way out of the room, called Voight letting him know he wouldn't be coming back to the station today and cleaned the bathroom, always checking to see if Will was still fine.

Almost 5 hours later Will woke up to find Jay sitting by his side and an IV hooked in his arm. He looked around the room trying to remember how he got there, what had happened since 8 p.m. from the other night and finding it all a blank, what made it worse than it already was. He hid his face in his hands what Jay look at him.

Although his eyes were closed he could feel and almost see his brother's disappointed look towards him, how sad Jay was because of the person Will had become.

"Did you finally see that enough is enough?" Was what Jay spoke.

It took Will a few minutes to answer.

"I don't remember anything." Will said, voice shaking.

"Well, the landlord called me saying people were complaining about hearing things being broken in my apartment and he called me, knowing I'm a cop and thinking it was someone breaking in." Jay started and Will could feel his voice filling up with hate at every word. "Imagine my surprise when I came here to find broken glass on the floor and you completely wasted and almost suffocating yourself in your own vomit!"

Will ran his hand through his face and hair, trying to remember what had happened.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." It was the best he could do.

"Really? You're sorry? If I was a few minutes late you would be dead!" Jay almost screamed.

"I lost control." Will said in such a small voice all Jay's anger dissipated and sorry and worry for his brother took its place. Taking a deep breath, Jay lowered his voice and looked at Will's eyes.

"I know you been through something terrible, I know. But please, you can go back to the way you were. You can't run away from things with alcohol and what ever more you were using. Will, I can't lose you."

Will nodded feeling the tears on his cheeks again. He straightened up on the bed, back on the wall, sitting beside Jay.

"Do you remember when I was a kid and I wanted to grab the whole world in my hands? I was always trying to be the best, better than you at least. And...I don't know how I became this. I feel like I've fallen and I can't get up, I can't go back in my own two feet."

Jay looked at Will for the first time seeing honesty in his words. Not the _I'm fine _filled with anger and remorse.

"You will get up. I'll make sure of that, ok?"

Will nodded and hugged his brother, hoping that it would be enough to translate all the gratitude and the love he had for his brother.


End file.
